It’s April 11th, 2013- I wake up, in my birthday suit, to the joyful song of the birds and the curious light of dawn peaking through the blinds. I feel so much love inside my soft skin, down to the depths in my bones. My mind, body and heart radiate a beautiful and powerful energy, while drinking in this sweet love. I’ve been alive for 30 years and I am grateful for, and amazed by, the life I have been honoured with thus far. I also feel excited and intrigued about what is to come.
I feel ready to step fully into this decade. It is a Rite of Passage into a new era- a new level of adulthood. Embracing myself as a true adult, I remove the covers with intention, ready to start the day in a nurturing and responsible way. This day is for ME and I want to start it with a jog outside. It takes me awhile to get out the door, as I am gracefully flooded with phone calls and messages to wish me a happy birthday. So much love, inside and out…
At last, my feet flee along the path behind the neighbourhood my parents have lived in since I was five. I continue across the bridge, along Stoney Creek and past the big power plant. “This is power?” I asked myself, looking at such an eyesore, planted in the middle of luscious rain forest. I remembered being a child and never noticing these wounds in nature. The power lines were there, yet all I noticed were the trees we would climb and build forts in. Again, I was noticing the land through the eyes of my inner child. The creek was the home of an annual Salmon spawn and the swamps were full of tadpoles that we would raise into frogs (or the occasional Salamander!).
Then those woods became a place of teenage angst. I became too trapped in the social drama of my mind to really notice the amazing shades of green or lovely song of the chickadee. As an adult, I usually came to visit the area like a busy butterfly, focused on the tasks at hand, without stopping to admire the true sustenance of each flower.
Today, as I jogged along a new board-walk built for mountain bikers and dog walkers, I notice everything as if I were there for the first time. I realized that I have been seeking my gifts in far away places, finding myself in the Rockies, down south and even other continents. So here I am, back to where I spent my childhood, with many gifts to bring here! Being a true, initiated, adult means giving my gifts back to my people. That time is now…
I spent the rest of my birthday hanging out with a childhood friend, as she did some preparation for her second baby on-the-way. We laughed about how far we’ve come since half our life ago…and how quickly it all passed! Later, I went for dinner with my family, noticing old patterns arise in our dynamics…some things never change…and why would you really want them to?
One thing that is new, I get to hold in my arms as he laughs and cries- my 3-month old nephew gives me that sense of -wonder and curiosity that life is truly about. That vulnerable openness is the channel for love. Freshness is just a heartbeat away…all you have to do is appreciate the output of oxygenated blood and be cleansed by the circulation of all that comes and goes.
I am currently getting ready to go to a 3-day gathering called Sacred Earth, by Community (“a retreat series for community change makers”). This was my birthday present- I am hoping to find an empowering community out here that helps me harness my gifts. I will go to bed soon feeling full and loved and grateful. There is a little empty spot that feels numb and is longing for… I can’t quite grasp what that void is, or why it’s there. What I do know is that it will be filled when the time is right.